What's black and white and red all over?

Miss Panda after her workout.

It was a hard session tonight. I wanted nothing more than to leave work and go home to the salmon steak waiting for me in the fridge. Whisk up a nice salad, pour a cool glass of chardonnay to accompany it and who can ask for anything more? It had to wait however, and still does, because after writing this I have to shower and then, if I still have the will to live, I’ll make my dinner.

Some answers to your questions. What does BF stand for? Boy friend, as in boy (or male) who is my friend (as in romantic relationship rather than platonic). His name is Phil and he is a gorilla. Yes, you might think it strange that a panda is going out with a gorilla, but if I were to wait for a male panda to come along I’d be a skeleton before he made the first move. Do you know that male pandas don’t know the first thing about flirting? All they do is sit around and eat bamboo all day. Then again, bamboo only gives you enough energy to sit around and eat bamboo. That’s why I stick to salmon, and chardonnay.

Second question, sort of. What am I doing in Ireland; shouldn’t I be back in China? I am so sick of this question. I AM IRISH. Yes, I am a panda but my parents moved to Ireland before I was born and it says I’m an Irish citizen on my passport. So there.

Back to my workout.

One of the benefits of the (now over) economic boom in Ireland is that lots of different types of gyms have opened up. There is the gym for the beautiful people, the mirror less gym for the ugly people and the do it at home computer game gym for the person who doesn’t really want to work out at all. Most gyms come with pools these days – and they are heated, indoor pools, no more jumping in the 50ft for you. There is aqua aerobics, slimming programmes, personal trainers, Pilates, yoga, yogalates (and then there are cafe lattes, my favourite).

Like most people, I enthusiastically sign up to a gym membership in January, work out every day until my fur sticks together, and cancel my membership in March because the last time I went was before Valentine’s Day when I wanted to fit into that slinky red number. This year, because every penny has to count, I have been going religiously three times a week. I’m paying for it so by god I’m going to get my money’s worth.

But why waste your money on a gym at all, Miss Panda? Good question. You might think my cuddly physique comes naturally, but you would be wrong. It takes a lot of hard work to look this darn cute and adorable. Sure, if I sat around doing nothing but eat bamboo all day I would stay naturally rotund, but because I eat high energy foods like salmon and spend most of my day sitting at a desk making phone calls, I would soon balloon into a shape more commonly found on a Blue Whale if I didn’t exercise. That’s why I have to go to the gym.

The variety of gyms isn’t the only thing to have changed in Ireland. It used to be that health food meant you cleaned the dirt off your spud before you cooked it. Now every supermarket has a health food section with nuts and whole grains. Most large supermarkets have at least one shop selling herbal supplements and things with strange sounding names like msn that are supposed to make you feel better.

Of course it also means that now there is a Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist in every shopping centre and that is certainly a very good thing. I hope they manage to survive the downturn and that people appreciate their true value, rather than thinking of them as luxuries.

Miss Panda