Monday, May 11, 2009

Challenge #2

Wow, Shadowthorne and SSQuo. You've kept me busy all weekend with your wonderful challenges (and I think you both passed on your colds through the comments!).
I've decided to split the challenges into two posts. This post is in response to SSQuo's challenge to write a Haiku about my intruder. The second post in answer to Shadowthorne's challenge will follow this afternoon.
So, here is my Haiku.

Intruder Knocking
Snail burglar at the window
Slimy prints on glass

11 comments:

Shadowthorne said...

Nice haiku (i was actually counting the syllables).

Will ask you to do a pantoum next. (I am big in pantoum, in my own language that is).

G. Coppard said...

I love pantoums! Mine never make sense by the end, but they sound good. :) Do you do the thing at the end where the first and third line of the first quatrain become the second and fourth of the last, but reversed, so the poem starts as it ends. Wow, I just got dizzy.

ying-ko-4 said...

haiku do not need to be 5/7/5 to be haiku. Longer or shorter is also allowed.

And I like this one. It's clever and conveys what you saw quite well.

SSQuo said...

Its perfect! :) I love it.

Hmm havent done a pantoum yet,

and yes GC, its already making me dizzy.

DNOTY2007 said...

Nice haiku, I could see the giant snail intruder trying to force its way in!!

Shadowthorne said...

Pantoums are quite easy. Because I was born where it was originated.

Dua tiga kucing berlari
Mana nak sama si kucing belang
Dua tiga boleh kucari
Mana nak sama awak seorang

(Literally means)
Two and three running cats
Are not the same as the striped one
Two and three I can find
But will not be the same as you

(of course the translation does not rhyme)

G. Coppard said...

Hey, by that logic, I should be good at baseball... um... guess what... not even close.

According to the definition on dictionary.com it's a group of quatrains set up to rhyme like so...

abab
bcbc
cdcd
dede
efef
fafa

that's how I've always seen them anyway. Maybe that's an Americanized version.

Shadowthorne said...

GC; oh, that one is the MORE complicated version of the pantoums, which is seldom used because it does sound a bit awkward.

the one I just demonstrated is the easy (and more popular) form of

abab
cdcd
abab
cdcd

(the end of the 1st and 2nd, 3rd and 4th line must rhyme - the way it was always recited since hundreds of years). :)

How does an American pantoum looks like?

G. Coppard said...

Yours was more elegant than any I would write. But, I love a challenge. I'm sitting here at the kitchen table at 7:06AM, trying to get my son off the couch...

Oooh, poetry on the fly…

OK, here we go…

Early morning, sleepy hours
My son hesitates now to rise
I try to bring with all my powers
He’s become an impressive size

My son hesitates to rise
I am blowing the bugle voice
He’s become an impressive size
The boy has grown, he has a choice

I am blowing the bugle voice
Inside my soul I only laugh
The boy has grown he has a choice
My rod’s become a walking staff

Inside my soul I only laugh
I see myself when I was young
My rod’s become a walking staff
Yet once again my song is sung

I see myself when I was young
Somehow my urging is enough
Yet once again my song is sung
How strong can be a father’s love

Somehow my urging is enough
Early morning, sleepy hours
How strong can be a father’s love
I try to bring with all my powers

(this probably translates horribly)

Cheers

G.C.

Shadowthorne said...

Oooo so that's what an American pantoum looks like. :)

Now I UNDERSTAND your

abab
bcbc
cdcd
dede
efef
fafa

You repeat the second and fourth lines of the 1st stanza in your second stanza as the first and second lines.

We (here) don't normally do that. We create another new stanza with new words.

But seriously... I NEVER seen an English (ok American) pantoum before. I've read about it, yes, but never seen an example. So yours really opened my eyes. :)

Thanks. :)

G. Coppard said...

Yeah, this was fun! :)